Institute for

Conflict Resolution

Techniques for Handling Problem People

There is a secretary who once came to us with the following story:

"I am an executive secretary and sadly I inherited a new boss. On his first day, he called me in and said very bluntly: 'Now look here Sally--I'm warning you. I have a fierce temper, and I'm mean. I want you to know that whatever work you do for me, it will never be good enough or accurate enough or smart enough to suit me. So, don't expect any praise from me ever, or any thanks. You are not to use the phone or email for any personal business. Now get me a cup of coffee…make it black, and don't put any cream in it.'" Sally went on to describe her angry feelings. In fact, she was shaking from head to toe. When she got his coffee, she muttered to herself: "What a jerk. He tells me to get him black coffee, and then he adds, not to put any cream in it. If he wants it black why give the order not to put cream in it? Why would I do that? He should rot in hell! As I approached his closed door, my resentment got the best of me and I spit in his coffee." The moral of the story is if you are this kind of a boss, you better get your own coffee.

If you want to know how mad Sally was, click on the button!!!!

 

When it comes to dealing with difficult people, our strategy often isn't much better than spitting in someone's coffee. So how do you cope with difficult people? There are so many different types and it is important that you know beforehand exactly whom it is you are dealing with. In Robert Bramson's classical approach, he draws the distinction between Sherman Tanks (Hostile Aggressive), the Snipers, the Exploders, the Indecisive types, the Complainers, the Negativists, the Silent Clams, the Know it Alls and the Super-Agreeables. Each type needs to be approached differently. Canned techniques are not what we are all about. We train you about the human predicament and give you the tools to deal with it.

Here is an example:

How Do You Handle a Jealous Boss?

The best bosses like to be surrounded by talent and ambition. In fact they welcome it. But, if you are stuck with a boss who is jealous of your talents, then you need to neutralize his thinly veiled hostility or even turn it into admiration. Here is what you can do:

1. Recognize their expertise: Acknowledge their insights: Say, "you clearly know this area, what do you think should be done?"
2. Feign Innocence: Act as if you don't notice or don't care about their subtle signs of envy. Don't get caught trying to fend off their attacks. If you do, you will waste negative energy disliking them.
3. Dish out compliments: Identify what you genuinely admire about your boss. Praise some aspect of his performance or personality with other bosses, vendors or key customers. When you periodically compliment your boss to others, you strip away his resentment and you undercut his jealousy.

Here is another example:

How Do You Handle a Silent Clam?

Quiet employees are often excellent workers. But, their silence means that they are not sharing ideas or updating others on their progress.

1. Don't attempt to launch conversations with them. The more you try, the more they may retreat into their shell.
2. Paraphrase what they say. By showing that you listen without judgment, you send a message that you care about understanding them and, do not pose a threat.
3. Ask open-ended questions. You are not looking for a single word response. Ask the following: "What are your feelings about our new client?" A highly experienced clam can remain unresponsive when asked an open-ended question, but it requires considerable effort to do so.
4. If a clam stays closed, avoid a polite ending. Instead, terminate the meeting yourself and set up another appointment. He'll catch on that you mean business.

Difficult people inject much stress into our lives. Fortunately, there are many effective techniques available to us. Let us show you what they are and how you can utilize them both at work and at home.

drsol@workconflicts.com